I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
