I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
