just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
