You smell like stripper and shame
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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