I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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