Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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