There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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