Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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