Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
