Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
