Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
