What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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