she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
