Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
