I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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