that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
