3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
