you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
