I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
