Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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