Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think I am morally bankrupt
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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