I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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