I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
