i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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