I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
