Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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