Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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