Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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