i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
