he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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