Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
