Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
