i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
