just come out here and I will go home with you...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
