I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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