When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
