i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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