Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
