Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
