What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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