you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
