his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
