I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
