I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
