I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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