my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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