id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
