Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she woke up with a sticky ear
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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