Moan for me like Helen Keller
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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