My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize