Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
