So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
