Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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