it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
