he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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