don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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