her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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