I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
