you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
