the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
