this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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