You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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