Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
