Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize