how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
