At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The air was thick with penises
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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