Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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