You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
