new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
