you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
