Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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