I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He felt like a one man threesome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
