Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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