Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
