you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
